I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
