How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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