she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize