I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
