Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
