Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
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Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
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shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm like, not good at living.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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