I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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