Tell her she can't have a vagina
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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