yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
