You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Someone shit on the floor
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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