so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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