My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
