Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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