you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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