He kissed a someone with a penis
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
