but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
