R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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