I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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