2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
