I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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