If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
