You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
