decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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