i jhust puked up my retainher.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
