I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
