sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
