I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
