I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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