my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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