Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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