i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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