i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
