i think my tv is drunk
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
