he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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