oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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