I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
