She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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