I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
