just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
