I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
