I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
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nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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