my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
