I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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