there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
