Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
