Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
