I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
