A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
