Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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