shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just want nice things and good sex
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
