I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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