So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
