i love accidental penises.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
