i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
