I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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