i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
