I skipped work to stalk him.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
