I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
