i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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