I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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