I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
