Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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