when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize