We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
All the doctor said was why
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
