please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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