Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
