He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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