i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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