why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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