i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
