dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
