I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
