she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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