The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
