you would pick up someone in the library
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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