Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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