i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
