Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
